Who am I kidding?

Yeah, I'm still here despite evidence to the contrary. I feel obligated to keep up with my other blogs because I've been writing them much longer and feel like this one is more self-indulgent. That right there probably says it all. Like most women I struggle with putting myself first. All the "shoulds" seem to take first place in my life and "wants" sometimes get short shrift.

I had a bit of an epiphany today regarding one of my major goals - weight loss. I've been telling myself and others that I want to do it for health reasons. And yes, that's important. My blood pressure tends to be way too high at times and I had to give in to medication. I also am aware that the pain in my feet and knees is at least partially due to too much weight. Not to mention the fact that diabetes runs rampant in my family and obesity is a huge risk factor for that.

But do you want the truth? The honest-to-good truth is that I want to look good. Thin. Sexy. Hot, even. My picture was on the front page of the paper today. I'm on the newly-formed Multiculturalism Committee for our community and there was a large photo of our committee members. None of us had known the picture was going to be taken that night. I was wearing jeans and hadn't done much of anything with my hair that evening. I made the joking comment on Facebook that if I had known, I would have dressed better. Several of my sweet friends made comments to the effect that I looked just fine in the picture. And I really appreciated them. But then a young man wrote the following, "You're hot. Shut up." And that's when I faced the fact that all that self-talk about losing weight for my health was just a bunch of bullsh*t. Excuse the language but that's the best way to sum it up. If you know me, you know I almost never use language like that but I've got to call it what it is.

The fact that the guy who wrote that comment is younger than my son and was no doubt simply trying to be nice, doesn't mean I wasn't still flattered on some level. It got me thinking and I finally admitted to myself that all this nonsense about just "getting healthy" isn't honest. And maybe that's why I'm still struggling with this issue. I mean, I know that especially at my age I should be looking at the health aspects and I do. However, that alone doesn't seem to be the motivation I need. On the other hand, looking good and quite frankly, thoughts of male attention, just might be what will do it.

Maybe that sounds shallow but I'll bet I'm not the only woman who feels that way. Trouble is, strong, smart, "enlightened" women aren't supposed to admit that. We are urged to feel comfortable in our own skin, embrace our bodies - no matter our size, and limit our thoughts on the issue to "being healthy". All of that's well and good. Truly, it is. And maybe it should be enough but for me? It's not.


I was barely 14 when David and I met. His nickname for me was C.B., short for "Cute Butt". He might not admit it but I know it wasn't my brain or sparkling personality which first attracted his attention. Obviously a relationship which has lasted 35 years is built on way more than my physical appearance. And sweet, smart man that he is, he never mentions the weight I've gained over the years. I know he doesn't find really skinny women attractive. He prefers curves, which is a darn good thing for me. Even as a 105 pound 14 year old, I was curvy. And without getting too personal, I know he still enjoys my body. Still, I'm sure he would like for me to lose some weight and I know I'd feel better about myself.

I want to be able to wear anything I like without my first consideration being whether it's "slimming".  I want to wear sexy underwear instead of undergarments that "smooth and shape". I want to have sex with the lights on and not feel self-conscious. Okay, that was probably too much information and if either of my kids is reading this, I'm sorry, but I'm just putting it all out there honestly.

I suppose the next step is to figure out how to use this bit of self-awareness to my advantage. I'll let you know what I come up with but if you have suggestions, I'd love to hear them.

Baby steps

I've been doing such a fantastic job keeping up with this blog, haven't I? Perhaps a 4th blog wasn't as doable as I thought, what with all the Facebooking and Twittering and such. Despite the no writing thing, I have been working on a couple of goals this month. I decided to focus on two things for the month of November.

1. I set a goal to get on the treadmill every day, or at least 5 days out of the week. I aim for 30 minutes but I've given myself permission to just do 5 or 10 minutes. For now, the important part is forming the habit. The amount of time or distance is secondary and I can work on those later. I've actually done fairly well with this. I hope that by the end of the month this will be a habit.
2. I signed up for NaNoWriMo. I'd like to say I'm doing as well with this one but I'm opposed to lying. I have at least started. I may not complete 50,000 words but I'm aiming for it. I'll keep you posted. In fact, I need to see if they've got the word count widget ready yet. If/when they do, I'll put it on the blog so you can track my progress or lack thereof. Feel free to nag me about it if I don't show any progress. 

So that's where I am at the moment. Taking some baby steps toward my goals and trying to stay motivated. Thanks for sharing this journey with me. 

Well, I never!

The other day the Pioneer Woman did a post listing 21 things she's never done. And she got a ridiculous number of comments. Like 870 or some crazy number like that. I think I have six readers - maybe - so if I get even two I'll be thrilled.

Here goes. I'm 49 years old and I've never:


1. Sipped coffee at a sidewalk café in Paris

2. Learned to drive a stick-shift

3. Tasted caviar

4. Dove head first into a pool

5. Gotten a tattoo

6. Smoked a cigarette (or anything else, for that matter)

7. Had a professional pedicure

8. Been to Spain (but I've been to Oklahoma)

9. Had anesthesia

10. Changed a tire

11. Been to Mardi Gras

12. Been to a movie alone

13. Seen the movie "Titanic"

14. Worn braces

15. Been hypnotized

16. Been on a cruise

17. Worn contacts

18. Had my wisdom teeth removed

19. Donated blood

20. Ridden a skateboard

21. Failed a class or any assignment

22. Had my eyebrows waxed

23. Lived in a city

24. Played a game of chess

25. Played a team sport

26. Drunk champagne before breakfast (With breakfast on several occasions, but never before.)

27. Sung karaoke

28. Served on a jury

29. Been on a subway

30. Finished reading "The House of the Seven Gables" (although I've read the first few chapters several times)


Okay, that's enough. Leave me a comment with some things you've never done or if you do an "I've never" post, leave me a link and I'll visit your blog.

50 by 50

About three years ago I made a list for the "101 Things to do in 1001 Days Project". Here is a link to that original blog post. I only did 21 of the things on my list but that's probably more than I would have otherwise. Now that I am facing the big 5-0 next year, I thought I'd make a new list: 50 by 50. I've reviewed my previous list, selected the undone items most important to me and added some others. Here is the new list, in no particular order of importance:

1. complete first draft of my novel
2. achieve my fitness goals
3. get my passport
4. finish putting all photos in albums
5. organize digital photos
6. learn to make the perfect créme brulee
7. organize my recipes
8. finish reading Outlander series
9. take Mom to Misal's Indian restaurant in Norman
10. attend showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show
11. dinner at Abacus in Dallas with friends
12. print 20 photos from Lisa's wedding and put in album
13. make love somewhere out of the ordinary
14. host a Margaritaville party
15. host a wine tasting or cocktail party
16. crochet an afghan
17. decorate our balcony
18. get a hot tub
19. take David on a surprise picnic
20. get a pedicure
21. take a swamp cruise
22. find a new perfume for intimate times only
23. visit the OKC memorial
24. watch 5 classic movies I've never seen
25. master a new song on the piano
26. move art supplies to exercise room
27. buy myself a harmonica
28. complete the French portion of the Rosetta Stone demo cd (then order the rest?)
29. learn to make sushi
30. learn to make soap
31. watch five foreign films
32. buy several beeswax candles for our bedroom
33. develop a housekeeping routine that works for this stage of life
34. buy some potted herbs for the kitchen windowsill 
35. do an at-home bartender course with David
36. design a personal website and link all my blogs there
37. buy a pasta maker and learn to make pasta
38. make yoga a regular part of my routine
39. have 6 massages
40. buy an ice cream maker
41. attend at least one concert
42. buy a laptop
43. go to Tipitina's in New Orleans
44. spend a day watching my favorite movies
45. spend an afternoon reading in the park
46. clean out and organize my closet
47. go on a date in our '66 Mustang - just like when we were teenagers
48. plant a lilac bush
49. buy the rest of the "I Love Lucy" dvds and watch them all in order
50. go to Paris!

Have you ever made a list like this? If you've blogged about it, I'd love to see it. 

Beginnings...

I set up this blog just prior to the beginning of this year and had every intention of posting progress toward my goals for the year 2011. As you can see, that didn't happen. But then it occurred to me that my birthday is also the beginning of a new year. I just turned 49 which makes the year to come important to me. Next year I will be 50 and that's a milestone by most people's reckoning. I've been doing a lot of thinking about the things I'd like to accomplish by the time I turn 50.

I will be writing about my goals and my progress toward them in the months to come. There are a few things I know without a doubt I want to accomplish and there are other ideas which I'm still kicking around. The main thing is that I fully intend for this to "be my year". I came up with this blog name back in December. Imagine my surprise when I received the following email from TUT's "Notes From the Universe" on my birthday last week:

Happy Birrrrthday to Youuuu,
Happy Birrrrthday to Youuuu,
Happy Birrrrthday Dear Deanna,
Happy Birrrrthday to Youuuu!

A few years back, not so long ago, heaven and earth erupted into a major celebration with the news of your impending adventure into this very time and space. You see, someone like Deanna Piercy doesn't come along all that often. In fact, there's never been a single one like you, nor is there ever ANY possibility that another will come again. You're an Angel among us. Someone, whose eyes see what no others will EVER see, whose ears hear what no others will EVER hear, and whose perspective and feelings will NEVER, ever be duplicated. Without YOU, the Universe, and ALL THAT IS, would be sadly less than it is.

Quite simply:

 You're the kind of person, Deanna,
 Who's hard to forget,
 A one-in-a-million
 To the people you've met.
Your friends are as varied
As the places you go,
And they all want to tell you
In case you don't know:
That you make a big difference
In the lives that you touch,
By taking so little
And giving so much!

Deanna, you are so AWESOME! For your birthday, friends and angels from every corner of the Universe, including buddies you didn't know you had, will be with you to wish you the HAPPIEST of days and an exciting new year in time and space. You won't be alone!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Deanna!

Mike DooleyOrlando, Florida, USA

PS - Deanna, this is going to be YOUR year!! 

If you aren't familiar with TUT's Adventurers Club, you should check it out. You can sign up for daily emails that I guarantee will make you feel good every morning when you read them. When I read this one I was blown away by that P.S.  I'm taking it as confirmation that this really WILL be "my year". I'd love some company on this journey. Won't you follow along?